There's a Mote in your Eye!

   

        One thing that I've come to love about my career is the ability to see inside people. Well I suppose that's sort of the whole point of the job, but sometimes you see more than you would think. There are some assumptions we make in medicine because they follow a consistent pattern. Things like when someone describes a right sided pain that radiates to their shoulder after eating a heavy meal they probably have gallstones. Or when they tell you about a long flight they were on and now have a swollen and tender leg that they probably have a clot. And sometimes it's hard to walk in to scan a 20 year old, skinny patient who has been relatively healthy and not just assume its going to be normal.

      I even learn these things in school. I've learned to put together external evidences, judge within minutes and categorize so as to be able to jump to a conclusion. I've learned to be able to focus in on areas which will be affected by these symptoms and to pay close attention to subtleties. I can spend more time on a localized area trying to figure out the problem. But I've also learned to judge people. I hastily put an entire person in a generic container based a few traits. I've learned that large people are usually hard to scan and have fatty livers. That people with cirrhosis usually drink too much. And people who come in for scan, after scan, with normal results are usually hypochondriacs.
 
    These habits, I've come to realize, don't stop at my work day. Unfortunately I, and I think I wouldn't be too far off by saying people other than just me, make a lot of assumptions and judgements on what we have seen as a consistent pattern. That people who cut us off are jerks, the person who says an unkind word is bitter and hates you and when someone someone asks for change on the street they've done things to put themselves there

    It was a smack upside the head the day I read the requisition form for my next patient. It told me they had cirrhosis and I assumed this person had a few too many drinks. I was expecting to walk in on and see a person with their life in shambles and an addictive nature. But the kind man who I spent the next hour with was patiently living with a disease that had attacked his liver and left it scarred beyond repair. He was sweet and long-suffering.

     That's when I knew I had to take a step back. Both in and out of my job. I realized the facts I have almost never add up to the whole truth. Some days we get a glimpse at the big picture, and others we have to deal with the piece we've been given. I've seen alcoholics with healthier livers than some 20 years olds. I've had my work torn to shreds only to realize what someone saw in me and decided to cultivate. The most beautiful, plaque-free carotid arteries I've seen was on a woman in her 90's. I've met people who I thought should know better how to act, only to later discover the crippling background they've come from. I've scanned people who I thought would be normal and see a tumor taking up half their body. How long had they suffered in silence?  I've seen people at the top of the social pyramid, and seem to know it, spend their time with an awkward outsider. The truth is all we will ever get to see is a 2D snapshot of a complex and beautiful 3D person, one who is constantly morphing, changing, growing, progressing and making mistakes.

  I know by experience I make hasty judgements from brief moments of what I see. But I also know that the richest experiences, the most learning and moments of absolute humility have come when I set aside my judgements. When I see a person for what they have been through, who they are and what they may become. The way I, and might I be so hypocritical as to assume that we, would like to be seen. Because you never know, when you open up a person, you might be surprised by what you see inside.


   "There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.” 
                                                                                                 -Thomas S Monson

And if you're really on a roll read this story. Have kleenex.